Whatever you say, SEGWAY BOY." - Riley S.
Let's romanticize a terminal illness, yeah!" - Megan B.
Actually, spines are the closest to knees as knees are." - Marrion B.
Can you still feel your legs?" - Teo S.
Someday, piles of bread may not be sufficient." - Jen C.
I want to be reborn as a dandelion and eaten by a labrador." - Jack B.
Mussolini looked like a sweaty hard-boiled egg after it's been peeled." - Cameron H.
Ooooooh, you know, that musky man!" - Emily G.
DO NOT ANNIHILATE THE SQUELCHING APPLICATOR." - Riley S.
Sam just offered me pocket lint in the shape of a mint." - Megan B.
I fought God in Northern California and lost." - Marrion B.
That’s quitter talk, Teo. If you weren’t a coward, maybe you would stare straight into the sun.” - Mikai T.
I’m okay with a banana tasting like a banana when it’s a banana, but I’m not ok with bananas tasting like bananas when they’re not bananas.” - Maia W.
For the past few days, I’ve been identifying myself as a pineapple.” - Unknown Middle Schooler
I only see red because I'm a communist!" - Marrion B.
10 out of 10, definitely has a cauldron in his bedroom” - Riley S.
You should be a hand model.” - Azilee B.
So I was talking to this girl on the subway—wait, I’ve never been on a subway!” - Megan B.
“It’s an exfoliating brush for your teeth.” - Bodhi K.
“Oh, heck! I need to go get my crow call!” - Marrion B.
“Do you think there are more bowls in the world than people? I think there are more bowls in the world than people.” - Cameron H.
“You know that feeling when you just go into a morgue? Yeahhhhh.” - Teo S.
“That’s my genetic material right there!” - Teo S.
“You know what word really excites me… LOAM!” - Cameron H.
“Like… what the heck happened to my clothes?” - Pablo S.
“Give us the Luddle! “ - Allie C.
“My spleen is Arnold Schwarzenegger from the Terminator.” - Sam A.
“It’s not peer pressure; it’s let’s be sober and hit things with a stick!” - Mikai T.
“If you kick enough watermelons, you can break a kneecap.” - Teo S.
“Does your grandmother make you shove your hand in a tube of cottage cheese?” - Ella N.
“I’m a good person: look at my boobs!” - Anonymous Male
“Get back on that ‘Grindr’ site, man!” - Andrew C.
“Sam, I will only bless the rains down in Africa if it is culturally and socially intelligent to do so.” - Unknown
“Party ‘till you're homeless!” - Homeless man with face tattoos on Pearl, to a group of Watershed students
“Your personality is basically just a short synopsis of Air Bud.” - Marrion B., to Jack B.
I will astral project to Illegal Pete's." - Grace K.
Sam pulled Ty out of advisory today. I think he proposed to him?” - Leo S.
[loudly] YES!! .... [quietly] I’m sorry, I was really excited about that.” - Cameron H, hitting Ty M. repeatedly
There’s twirling, and there’s birds!” - Cameron H.
I’m not sure we can trust the journalistic integrity of the Watershed Watermark.” - Leo S.
Justin Bieber! Ants!" - Zak S.
Your grandma is married to ELON MUSK?!?" - Clara B.
Don't even get me started about Pliny the Elder." - Marrion B.
Our language robs other countries' in a trench coat." - Marrion B.
Bakers are bakers because of brain damage." - Stefen M.
Guys, I got a computer charger. All we need is deodorant now." - Izzy C.
We don't put curse words in 'Heard in the Halls,' you (expletive) idiot." - Anonymous
You're not fat. You know who's fat? You." Sarah B., to the same person
You can literally make Africa." - Riley S.
The moon's a-rising." - Emily G.
I'm about as acrobatic as a dead frog." - Marrion B.
That's not even a human. That's just a child." - Nico G.
I want prisoners of war!" - Janie R.
The more I simulate the Void, the easier it is for me to work." - Sam A.
If I were a clownfish, I'd sleep all day." - Andy K.
Enough blue sky to make a Dutchman's pants." - Cameron H.
If you wanna know something, go to the magic lesbian." - Sam A.
Everything looks the same. That's what's weird about it. See, Lee's wearing a donut." - Sarah B.
This duck is taking gender roles to a whole new level." - Zak S.
Technology will not rule me!" - Jen C., whilst hitting an alarm clock with a stick.
I'm not a squirrel. I knew a guy once... nevermind." - Ellie G.
I looked up pictures of renewable energy and all that came up was an avocado." - Abbi S.
We're all gonna look like Walter White in our smocks and underwear." - Nico G.
Grind their heads into the ground." - Cameron H.
Bless you, little mousies." - M.J.
I need an English dictionary over here; what’s a finger leg?” -Tyler S.
I know, but at least I’m better than magenta!” - Marrion B.
We found out, dot man.” - Suzanne D.
That white kid looks like a half-baked potato.” - Kath A.
Um, I echolocate. Why do you think I talk so much?” - Marrion B.
I still don’t have muscles, no matter how many handles there are!” - Grace P.
Literally, Pablo’s a big sweetheart.” - Jacob W.
Maybe everybody’s gay for the stay, and the stay is life.” - Grace K.
It’s literally so easy to put someone’s face on a watermelon.” - Riley S.
I’m just gonna stretch and think about Communism.” - Megan B.
If you don’t buy Pocket Pants™, I will personally kill your family. For a whole new generation, Pocket Pants™ will be the new currency. Because I will control the Pocket Pants™ empire, I will control the entire economy.” - Cameron H.
And then he realized that I was the dominant turkey and backed down." - Cameron H.
There’s so much pocket space!” - Cameron H., whilst sprinting in the natural history museum in Denver
Doesn’t everyone have a hit list? I spend at least ten minutes a day debating whether or not to switch up the order.” - Tyler S.
We'll be laying on the sidewalk in, like, oatmeal and egg, some olive oil and walnuts… and blood.” - Eloise H.
Can we hypothetically calculate the rate at which the spoon that does not exist is bending?” - Tyler S.
Then, all of a sudden, my ears are ringing, there’s a dent in the ceiling, and I am covered in soup.” - Anonymous
It just occurred to me that a ferret is the weiner dog version of a squirrel." - Devin D.
My worst enemy is just like me. She’s like a smaller... Guatemalan me.” - Dani C.
If you’re going to go accurate, you’re going to add a butt crack and butt dimples.” - Hayden M.
Diaaaaabetes in a baaaaaag!” - Unknown Middle Schooler (whilst sharply rounding a corner)
My handwriting is perfectly illegible!” - Kathlin A.
That’s a dumb letter! Why did you pick such a dumb letter? You just ruined the game for everyone involved.” - Cameron H.
Ugh… I wish my childhood had been harder so that I could rap better!” - Anonymous 6th-grader
Oh my god, there's someone else's blood on my arm!" - Sam A.
I bleed pumpkin spice." - Asher H.
I need to decide between Chipotle and Smashburger or the universe will end." - Lee
I can't possibly write everything down. It's killing me." - Guess who (it's obvious)
Andrew, this is not the magic school bus!" - Nico G.
This love-hate relationship is so cute, isn't it?" - Andrew, remarking about Devin and Sam squabbling
You know me, they call me Heroin McGhee." - Frank B.